Freedom Is Being Yourself

How good are we at letting ourselves just be who we are? Accepting ourselves for our quirks, "shortcomings", and all of the goodness that lies within us? For the past few weeks I have put forth effort to recognize when I am being true to myself and acknowledging how good that feels. I don't allow myself to feel sorry for the parts of me that I am letting others see because there has NEVER been anything shameful about the person within me. Here's an example, for whatever reason whenever I am in my Monday class I get all silly, funny and I laugh a lot. Sometimes I am even loud..louder than anyone else in the class because they are quietly working away haha...Growing up I was quiet and shy in class. Afraid to ask questions..keeping my confusion about what was being taught to myself..and just trying to get by. For those who knew me growing up if they saw me now in class they would probably be floored by the difference.  I enjoy making other people laugh and being thought of as funny. Laughter and smiles are two of my favorite things. So will I continue to be loud, silly and laugh a lot? Yes! It feels great to be myself without giving power to other people and being who I think I am supposed to be.

 Last month I met someone who reminded me about all of the great qualities I possess. Qualities I wouldn't have thought of to describe myself but nevertheless I do possess these qualities. It was so nice to feel like someone truly saw who I was and liked what they saw regardless of things that have happened in my life etc. They could see me. I've always wanted to feel seen and accepted just for who I am. I got to experience that. It was nice.

 For most of my life I have felt unseen...misunderstood..I've considered myself to not be valued by others as well as by my own self. Part of the time I have allowed myself to be treated poorly by others which reinforced the belief of not having much value. I was wrong. I do have value! I am of worth! Oh, how we believe the lies that we hear within our own minds. We let them take root and become fruitful..creating harmful damage to our self-image. How much happier would we be if we stopped believing the lies and accepting the truths? In this life we need to be kind to ourselves. To love ourselves. Would we tell a small child the same things in which we tell ourselves? No. The things we would say to a small child would be,        " It's ok. What a great job you did! Way to go! You can do it!" etc. We wouldn't say things like " Wow. What a failure you are" to a child so why is it that we are so mean and hard on our own selves as adults? I encourage everyone to work on that inner voice..the harsh critic and change the internal dialogue to positive talk only. It takes work and practice but ultimately I can say it is worth the effort! Please love the person you are because there is no one else who is just like you! You are unique and you have a lot to offer those around you.

The TRUTH about dating

There is SO much that dating has been teaching me over these last few months and I thought that I would share some of what I've learned with those who would like a different perspective. This summer I turned 31 (yes, I know but it is true, I am 31) and I felt like I needed to make a decision of either staying in my young single adult ward or to "graduate" and try the mid-singles ward. That was kind of a big deal because it felt like there was NO going back. I did make the decision to attend the mid-singles ward and it has been just fine. Nothing like I had pictured of being approached right off the bat and being asked out because I have heard stories haha...

1. We all have the same basic needs and wants which are to be loved and to have a family.
2. Our lives don't always happen the way we planned or hoped. Some don't get married until later in life or some experience marriage but then get divorced..
3. The age limit for my ward is 31-45 and I thought about how those who don't get married before they are too old to be in the ward must feel having to leave..
4. Dating is most likely difficult for ALL of us!!
5. Being yourself is the best thing you can do. Your date will either like you and appreciate you for it or they won't so just be you.
6. It's ok if you don't get asked out on a second date because there will be others who will ask you out.
7. Our confidence as well as our comfort level with dating grows the more we go on dates.
8. Being open to those who ask you out on dates provides you with variety. How do you really know what you are looking for or who the Lord wants you to be with? Maybe your future spouse has already been married or has children. Limiting your options might not be such a great thing.
9. Be patient with others as well as yourself in the dating process.
10. Be BOLD!! Take some risks. It is empowering and feels good to see what is possible and can happen if you just take a risk.
11. Put some trust in the other person. Scary I know but necessary to have a relationship.
12. Try to not think the worst. Be positive.
13. We all make mistakes in dating and in life but what's important is learning from them.
14. Sometimes you get caught off guard by your own feelings for someone because you weren't expecting to feel the way that you do. Don't let fear be in control and don't run away! Embrace what you feel and the possibilities.
15. It is far better to talk about what you are feeling/thinking with someone you have been going out with on multiple dates and want to have something more with them than to keep it to yourself.
16. Dating helps you to figure out what you want and need in someone. Those who don't pursue you fall away and leave those who remain. From those who remain you can figure out what to pursue if anything.
17. Being respectful of your date is important. Dress nice, look your best, put on your listening ears and make your date feel good. They are probably just as nervous as you are and have probably had their own struggles with dating. Why not make the dating experience a little bit easier on them and help each other on your dating journeys?
18. There is a silver lining in everything and everything serves a purpose!

A few other things that I have learned that I wanted to expand upon are for starters:

This quote is TRUE!!! I've been able to find people who are open to hearing what I have to say and they are understanding. It is so refreshing and nice to know that I don't have to pretend to be someone I am not or who I think they want me to be. I have chosen to simply be myself and it feels good to be true to who I am. Not only does that feel good but being able to see how people like me for just being me is awesome! Why do we try to be anybody but ourselves? Simply be you and you will be SO much happier!

This picture I find to be hilarious! haha...I have found that there are guys that I am interested in and why not go after what it is I want? You never know what can happen so go for it! There is nothing wrong with having confidence in yourself and taking risks. Some guys need to be pushed a little because they are just as unsure or scared as you. The worst thing that can happen is that it won't work out or whatever but that makes room for what is RIGHT and what is meant to be!

I have met an amazing man who has taught me a lot. He takes life by the horns and enjoys it to the fullest with an awesome attitude. One of the things that he has taught me is to speak up. If there is something that I desire he encourages me to speak up and let him know. He cares how I feel and wants to know my opinion. How often do we keep our desires to ourselves because we are afraid or not confident? So try to speak up more. Of course do it tactfully and with wanting appropriate things haha...When you truly find people who let you be you and don't mind what you say it really is a great feeling!

Dating laid bare

This summer my dating life really took off through a fun little phone app called Tinder. Yes, you heard right. I decided to give it a try since I was not having any luck being asked out otherwise. I decided that I had to take dating into my own hands and do something because doing nothing just wasn't working. Joining tinder was one of the best decisions that I've made and yet one of the worst all at the same time! How can it be the best and the worst decision you ask? Well for starters getting back into dating scared me and I felt totally clueless as to how dating even worked anymore! So I began my journey on tinder by swiping left and right to my hearts content and I was discovering that I was making matches. Guys were actually wanting to get to know me! Success! Followed by...a large gulp.

Soon after making matches I got asked out on my first date in years. I was excited yet nervous all at once. The date itself actually went a lot better than I expected it to haha...This pleased me. Before I knew it I was going on at least one date a week sometimes more. With each date I gained a little bit more confidence in myself and my ability to feel comfortable with complete strangers improved. With practice dating was actually a little fun! Who knew? If nothing happens romantically you at least have some new friends :) I have never been on so many dates with so many different people in my entire life. Quantity really isn't important to me by any means, it has just surprised me how many dates that I have been on in just a few months.

Now dating has presented its challenges for me but somehow I doubt that I am the only one who has experienced this.  Seriously, I can't be the only one who has experienced hiccups with dating am I right? Who wants to be vulnerable and put themselves out there with the risk of being hurt? It's totally natural to want to protect yourself from others hurting you as well as protecting yourself from yourself. But not letting your guard down only gets you so far...so your choice is to stay put in your comfort zone or to take a risk..Not going to lie taking risks is not my strong suit. I know that I can take risks but do I like taking them? Mmm...no. Do I want someone to know me and love me for who I am? Of course the answer is yes. Everyone has the same basic needs and wants and a BIG one is to feel loved. How can we receive this basic need if we aren't willing to be vulnerable? We can't! See the predicament? In the words of Liz Lemon,
" Blurgh." So I've been practicing taking risks. Letting people in. Letting them see and know who I am..the good, the stuff you don't want to be seen in the light of day, the insecurities...Laying yourself bare literally leaves you feeling naked! There's nothing to hide behind, it's just you standing there exposed. Here is your chance to see how the other person will react to your risk..your "nakedness". Pushing yourself to be outside of your comfort zone is uncomfortable. Staying outside of your comfort zone takes courage! But anyway, I've been learning that being vulnerable and striving to live outside of my comfort zone are NOT bad things. Here are some awesome quotes:
 

Lastly, I wanted to share that boy does dating teach you a lot about yourself as well as others. It has helped me to figure out that I am trying to bridge the person who I once was when I last dated (8 years ago!) to the person that I currently am.  Dating has also helped me to know what I want in someone as well as what I need. You are going to make mistakes and have "freak outs" but what is important is how to bounce back from them. Finding someone who understands and listens to you through these kinds of moments is truly a wonderful thing. It makes the risks, vulnerability, and nakedness feel worth it. My journey with dating is no where near over and I know that it will continue to teach me life lessons that will shape me and get me that much closer to the things that I desire. So even though dating sometimes stinks there is always a silver lining! Happy dating to you all! We are all in this together just like the high school musical song :) haha...

On a new adventure

Isn't it funny how you might have a plan in mind for yourself and then things don't go according to that plan? Well that is what happened to me regarding school. I graduated finally from college which took a long time to accomplish (it really did )and I had no interest in going to grad school or anything like that like most people I knew. After graduating I never got a job that really related or used my degree! So what was the point of getting it is what crossed my mind.

Almost two years pass by and I found myself feeling like something was missing. I was bored and wanted more for my life...I mean the job that I was working at at the time was not what I wanted to do for a living and it was very trying in a variety of ways, I had no desire to live anywhere else in the current city I was in so what to do? Mind you I had about a month left of my contract when all of this was happening. I felt good about quitting my job so I could focus on figuring out what I was going to do next and so I did and I don't have any regrets about it to this day! Now I'm jobless and I have a month to figure out what I am doing. No big deal right?

 The thought of going back to school crossed my mind. Yes, I know you are thinking really? I was kinda surprised myself. So I looked into what schools near me offered fashion classes. I found a school which wasn't too far from where I currently was living and it would allow me to be close to family and not far from friends if I wanted to go visit. For those who know me well know that I don't particularly like big change(s) and moving to another city would be a BIG change. However, I prayed about what I should do. At first I went with the decision to stay where I was for a few months longer and then attend school but it didn't feel like I got it quite right so I figured that meant to move and attend school in the fall. So I packed up and drove the moving truck myself with my mom. Let me tell you I was very proud of myself for driving that truck and now I can say that I have had that experience :)

Anyway, I started school and was nervous for mainly 1 reason... I don't know about you but I have always liked watching Project Runway and I always thought it was so cool what they do on the show but I never thought I could do that myself. So there I was about to start something that I was not sure that I could do! It turns out that I survived my first semester with flying colors! Don't be deceived I worked hard and got a 4.0 which made all the effort worth it! Fashion school has been fun because I it allows me to be creative and it is challenging as well! There is a lot of work that goes into being a designer and I no longer look at clothing the same way!

 Here is some of what I have done in fashion school thus far and there will be updates on this continuing adventure! These pictures are of the fashion figure which is called a "croqui". I drew these for my final project in my illustration class.

For an assignment we had to make an accessory. I made 2 necklaces and while I was presenting them to the class I had two people asking to buy them! This is the only one that I chose to sell.

                                               Lastly this is a picture I drew with colored pencil.

Customer spot light!

This is not Katelyn in the photo but this is her headband I custom made for her and this is what she has to say about Wildflower Accessories,"I have loved the headband you made me. Every time I wear it someone compliments me on it. It is unique and just what I was looking for to wear with lots of different outfits. Thanks!"

During spring of last year ('12) I was able to do another photo shoot and I am sad that it has been SO long since I've done another one! I was able to invite some new friends to participate on this last shoot and it was lots of fun! Who knew that the park that I used to live next to would be a great place to take pictures?! Here are some of my favorite pictures from our photo shoot.

One reason this photo shoot was fun is because of I was able to get pictures of two friends that own a Hidden Hollow Acessory

Weddings

I was asked by my friend,Elise, to make a fascinator for her wedding. Having no experience making one before I decided to try my hand at it. I've always thought that I could get a lot of clientele by doing weddings so maybe this is the beginning of a new direction for Hidden Hollow. How cool would that be to make brides feel extra beautiful?! There's a special feeling that comes from creating something for someone. Sometimes they have a vision of what they want and I get to be the person that brings that vision to life for them in a tangible, real way. I love seeing the reactions of clients and how happy they are with the final product I've created. It definitely brings me joy and makes me want to continue to create more beautiful things. Now lets get back on track! Elise gave me a general idea of what she wanted and it was left up to me to create something without much input which was a little intimidating I'm not going to lie. A wedding hairpiece is a BIG deal. I mean it's someone's WEDDING for goodness sake! Much to my relief Elise loved what I made and said that it was perfect. Yes, a success! I can't wait to see pictures of her wearing it on her wedding day but for now here is a sneak peek! I'll definitely post some professional pictures of her when I can get my hands on them. Congrats Elise on soon being a bride and a wife! Thanks for asking me to design a fascinator for you :)